Friends,
If you are extremely bored on Monday, I have the solution for you.
You can follow my progress in the 112th running of the Boston Marathon on the official Boston Marathon site. Just use my Bib number, 6859.
Or you can stay tuned to this site. I plan on posting live from the course. Seriously. Let’s see how depleted glycogen levels affect my communication skills.
- Dean
I’ve returned from the runner’s Mecca that was the Boston Marathon Exposition. Never before have I seen such a collection of physically fit people jammed together under one roof.
The Expo is housed in the Hines Convention Center near the finish line. While New York’s Expo took place in one expansive space, Boston’s utlized two large exhibit halls and various ante chambers for Bib pick-up, etc. I think the Boston Expo was larger, just less carvernous.
It was like runner’s Disneyland. Folks scarfed up gewgaw, posters (the offical poster includes the names of every entrant - That’s right, I’m listed on the same poster with Kipkoech Cheruiyot), and expansive quantities of Boston Marathon merchandise. The most notable of which was the jacket. Yes, Doc, I got the real thing.
The only drawback? I had to take out a small loan from a predatory lending firm to cover parking fees.
- Dean
Photo: Boston.com - Dana GiulianaI’m finally on my way to Boston. Oh yeah, I’ll continue to post daily. Here’s the official itinerary:
TODAY
I’m closing out fifty-nine thousand details before traveling to Raleigh.
SATURDAY
Angie and I will fly into Manchester, New Hampshire. We’ll head right to the Marathon Expo. I’ll offer a detailed, on-the-scene expo report (with a frank assessment of the shirt). Later, we’ll dine with the painaholic Kestrou at Antico Forno in Boston’s North end.
SUNDAY
We’ll attend the Women’s Olympic Trials in the morning, then spend time sightseeing. We plan to enjoy the Freedom Trail, Newberry Street, and the Commons. Later, we’ll retire to our lodging outside Hopkinton.
MONDAY
I will blog live from the Boston Marathon on Monday. I can only offer text updates from the course this year, but I promise video by Monday evening. Think Wellesley, Scream Tunnel, and an event some twenty years overdue.
- Dean
Dean,
It’s me. I mean you. I’ve no time to explain how I’ve uploaded this message from the future. I’m not even sure if it will even reach you — I mean me — before Boston. But you must listen!
A runner in a fur hat and Wicked Witch Of The East socks will approach you on heartbreak Hill babbling something about the beauty of differential equations. Do not flee! You must introduce this man to Mike Huckabee. Everything depends on it. Bring a King James Thompson Chain Reference Bible. It may be your only hope of distracting his security detail. Trust me.
I don’t know how long I’ll be able to keep writing, but there’s more you need to know. That plan you have for Wellesley? It’s not going to work out quite the way you think.
Oh yeah, and whatever you do, don’t book your airfare on Skyb……
I was probably playing with my favorite Han Solo and Chewbacca action figures at the time. I couldn’t have cared less about some dumb race. And I lived just over two hours from Boston.
Folks, if this doesn’t give you chills; If this doesn’t get you psyched for Boston — you need defibrillation.
- Dean
BARACK OBAMA
America, the Boston Marathon is upon us, and I’m running. I’m running for hope and I’m running for change.
JOHN McCAIN
I can think of no finer thing to do on Patriot’s Day.
HILLARY CLINTON
While at Wellesley, I cheered the heroic runners of the Boston Marathon. I was there when Tarzan Brown rallied to beat John Kelley.
BARACK OBAMA
In the face of great distance, we see opportunity. In the face of heartbreak hill, we see a better future. In the face of hyponatremia, we see properly managed sodium levels.
BILL CLINTON
I never did finish that marathon; couldn’t get past the Wellesley girls.
JOHN McCAIN
So you ended up marrying the Wellesley girl that cheered for you?
BARACK OBAMA
I have heard freedom’s call. I have felt the winds of change.
BILL CLINTON
Hillary was at Wellesley?
BARACK OBAMA
I have felt the wind of freedom. I have heard the call for change.
JOHN McCAIN
Many commendable American patriots attended Wellesley. All uphold the fine, upstanding values of the Boston Athletic Association.
RON PAUL
If victorious at Boston, I promise to dismantle the bureaucratic and unconstitutional Boston Athletic Association.
JOHN McCAIN
Destroying the BAA will only make us more vulnerable to dangerous terrorist attacks.
HILLARY CLINTON
I once ran Boston, paced by Sir Edmund Hillary. We came under sniper fire in Newton, and barely escaped with our lives.
BARACK OBAMA
I don’t run this race alone. In this decisive moment of history; in this dawn of a new era as a nation, we run as one people.
HILLARY CLINTON
That harrowing experience filled me with the desire to become the Senator for the great state of Massachusetts.
JOHN McCAIN
You’re the Senator from New York.
HILLARY CLINTON
Whatever.
BARACK OBAMA
Though we’ll grow weary in Newton, we will persevere. Though Cemetery Mile, we will not lose heart. Though our glycogen levels may become dangerously low in Brighton, we will finish this race.
JOHN McCAIN
Though I may have an acute myocardial infarction as early as Framingham, I will drag my battered body inch by torturous inch until I reach the finish.
GEORGE W. BUSH
You can do it Sparky. Heck in a handbasket, I ran a 3:44 in Houston. That takes guts. That takes tenacity. That takes stubbornocity.
HILLARY CLINTON
That’s not even a word.
GEORGE W. BUSH
Oh yeah, right. I meant “tenacitation.”
JOHN McCAIN
Friends, if by my death I can keep us secure from terrorists bent on diminishing our national physical fitness, I will humbly serve.
BARACK OBAMA
When we cross that finish line…
JOHN McCAIN
Friends, I don’t appear to have the funds for the entry fee.
BARACK OBAMA
…And when I say we I really mean me…
JOHN McCAIN
I could run as a bandit; a renegade.
BARACK OBAMA
…When we break the tape at Copley Square, I’ll be thankful our moment has come; thankful for your tireless help; thankful for my Kenyan Ancestry.
HILLARY CLINTON
Have I mentioned that it wasn’t easy being the first woman to run Boston?
JOHN McCAIN
Friends, does anyone have body glide?
Looks like I’ll make it to the Northeast in time for the big race.
I’ll start in Columbia, drive to Raleigh, catch a plane, stop in Washington D.C., and finally arrive in Manchester, New Hampshire. I’ll visit Connecticut, hit the expo in Boston, and stay outside of Hopkinton. On the way home, I’ll layover in Atlanta. That’s seven states in three days (if I’m fortunate enough to give Rhode Island a miss). In the words of Sam Spade, “Are you getting all this or am I going to fast for you?”
You know you’ve had a stressful go of it when the thought of starting a marathon is eminently relaxing. At least I now know more about the arcane inner workings of the airline fare system than I care to admit. Please don’t ask me about it, I’ll have a disturbing flashback.
Now, as long as US Airways and Delta stay in business for 2 more weeks, I’ll be all set. Meanwhile, I plan on telling every airline official who’ll listen that I’ve qualified for the Manchester Marathon.
- Dean
I used to think that qualifying for the Boston Marathon was difficult; a challenge requiring dedication, stubbornness and hard work. But it all seems to have been child’s play compared to finding suitable last minute airfare and lodging for race weekend. Apparently this Boston Marathon thing is quite popular.
So thanks again Skybus! Two more lousy weeks were all I needed from you.
XOXOXOX,
Dean
We’ll this stinks. Today, Skybus became the third airline this week to cease operations. Normally I would not care about this sort of thing. But they were my ride to Boston.
It started with a text message after this morning’s 18 mile trail run; “Dude, Skybus just tanked.” At breakfast, I ordered wheat toast (no butter), bacon, eggs, and a legitimate airline.
The Skybus website was laughably unhelpful. “Fuel is expensive. We’re closing. Sorry about that.” No phone numbers, resolution path, or Turtle Wax parting gift. Just the foreboding, “contact your credit card company.” I called right away (just like every single Skybus refugee in America). I’m brain dead from easy listening hold music.
But I suppose that’s what I get for picking a relatively new, discount carrier with no call center. The sweet airfare deals were quite literally too good to be true. But for a while, I felt like super consumer, sticking it to the overpriced airlines. Perhaps I’ll run Boston with a scarlet “caveat emptor” pinned to my singlet.
And that’s the proverbial large nut I must crack. I have to find an alternate means to get to Boston. I shudder at prospect of pricing airfare to Massachusetts on late notice. I could pop a blood vessel in my left eyeball out of deranged frustration.
- Dean
The heavily pollinated, warming air tells me that spring has arrived. Time for baseball, taxes, and the Boston Marathon. I can hardly believe I’m at Hopkinton’s doorstep. If I don’t mark the moment, it will fly by before I can savor it fully. With that in mind, I’ll make a pledge. I will post an article everyday from now until Boston.
Seriously.
I know that sounds like an empty promise when cast on April Fool’s day, but I’m throwing caution to the wind. I’m sure you’ll hold me to my word. Friends, qualifiers, hopeful qualifiers, celebrity posers; join me in welcoming Boston with a flurry of creative output.
Yeah, this post counts.
- Dean
Well, I didn’t qualify at Rocket City. But with a 3:20, I feel a new sense of optimism. I carved over 5 minutes off my previous PR, my biggest jump since taking this marathon thing seriously. My strongest miles were 15-22 (usually when the wheels begin to come off the cart).
The perpetually twisting course was “rolling,” which apparently is code for unpleasant hill at mile 17 and a most uncomfortable ascent at mile 21. It was also a bit warm and humid, but enough whining about that.
I faded a bit at the end, but nothing beyond reason. I could have had a high 3:18. But once I knew 3:15 was not in the cards, and that I’d need a Ryan Hall special to qualify, I relaxed and cruised in.
Until Rocket City, I didn’t truly know if I could run fast enough, long enough to get to Boston. Those doubts weighed on my mind. But now I know I can do it.
I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
- Dean
Please enjoy the official Rocket City Race Report.
Time to get up to speed on Boston lore. Allow me to recommend the Boston Marathon Crossword Puzzle.
Beyond an unnatural obsession with the Boston Marathon, a crossword of this sort requires a cranial overflow of race trivia, and a fondness for short words containing multiple vowels. Only this can explain the presence of Three-Down and Twenty-Seven Across.
Clearly, not every clue relates perfectly to Boston. You may want to brush up on Egyptology, washed-out 80s actresses, and New Zealand opera; just a recommendation.
But let’s cut the puzzle some slack. My quest for Boston has hardly been ideal. How can I in good conscience, require a simple brainteaser to stay on task? So let’s revel in our imperfection, train arduously, and satisfy those pesky vowel quotas.
Perhaps I’ll see you some day in Fifty-Four Across.
- Dean
I’ve begun working toward my autumn BQ attempt. Time to beat myself to a pulp for the privilege of doing it again in Boston next April 21st: Only 293 days away.
A mere 96 days separate me from my qualifying race, the Steamtown Marathon. A small race held on October 7th, Steamtown is hosted by the lovely blue collar town of Scranton, Pennsylvania. You may know it as the home of Dunder-Mifflin and the inimitable Dwight Schrute. It’s located in Lackawanna County, possibly an ill omen for an endurance race.
Marathon training has a natural ebb and flow. Sometimes you’ve got enough glycogen stores to sink a battleship. Other days, getting out of bed represents a major victory. When things go well, you feel as if you’ll ride the wave all the way to Boston.
That’s how I felt today.
This morning, I ran a challenging 7.5 mile hilly route (locally nicknamed “The Alps”). Typically, one merely survives this run. But today I had energy to spare.
When in attack mode, the last thing you want is an unplanned interruption. But that’s just what I got, and it seriously rubbed my rhubarb.
On the second-to-last hill, I encountered an inconveniently stalled train. I’ve got nothing against trains as a rule, but this one blocked my path completely. I could only turn back or cut my run short. What was an endorphin-hyped Pfitzinger disciple to do?
With only the briefest hesitation, I climbed onto the train and made my way through a gap in the cars, bounding off to the other side of the tracks. I felt like a juvenile delinquent and found the sensation… strangely agreeable. I used this unseemly psychological boost to propel myself up the hill.
Remember children; do as I say, not as I do.
I can’t recommend train hopping, but the resulting speed boost proved intoxicating, on par with the vehicular near-miss. Any boring recovery run can be transformed into a solid tempo session when the occasional car strays too close. The effect is better than that achieved when discussing religion or politics during a workout.
I once ran with a guy who got hit by a car, but continued running. It was his best 20 miler ever. I ate his adrenaline-powered dust.
This has got me thinking. Perhaps someone can arrange an “incident” on October 7th at roughly 9:30am in the area of West Lackawanna Avenue, Scranton. I’ll be wearing black shorts and a red shirt.
With such assistance, I might make it to Boston this time. I can just see Ricardo Montalbán in full Mr. Roarke regalia welcoming me to Hopkinton…
Smiles everyone! Smiles!
- Dean
Today, is the Eleventy-first running of the Boston Marathon, and it’s going to be one to remember. It’s been stormy in New England for days, and the forecast calls for 3-5 more inches of driving rain in the Boston area. Reports state that portions of the runner assembly areas in Hopkinton are underwater. Wind should be sustained and fierce, with gusts potentially reaching 50 miles per hour. This will put the “feels like” temperature at 25-30 degrees. It’s going to be positively apocalyptic.
Man, I wish I were there.