Dean,

It’s me. I mean you. I’ve no time to explain how I’ve uploaded this message from the future. I’m not even sure if it will even reach you — I mean me — before Boston. But you must listen!

A runner in a fur hat and Wicked Witch Of The East socks will approach you on heartbreak Hill babbling something about the beauty of differential equations. Do not flee! You must introduce this man to Mike Huckabee. Everything depends on it. Bring a King James Thompson Chain Reference Bible. It may be your only hope of distracting his security detail. Trust me.

I don’t know how long I’ll be able to keep writing, but there’s more you need to know. That plan you have for Wellesley? It’s not going to work out quite the way you think.

Oh yeah, and whatever you do, don’t book your airfare on Skyb……