10:21am

This whole sea of runners is amazing - spectacular. It puts New York to shame, which is amazing. I’m hitting 7:45 on the dot and I’ll catch you later.

- Dean

10:08am

You remember that Pink-clad ballerina dude that kicked my tail at mile 24 at Steamtown… yeah I’m running with him right now at Boston. The guy is hilarious!

The British Accent somehow makes the outfit perfect.

- Dean

10:03am

Alrighty I’m underway at the 2008 Boston Marathon. I’ve just high-fived about 750 small children and I’m in the middle of a crazy throng of runners.

Every runner should get to line up and depart from Hopkinton.

- Dean

9:16 am

Alright so I’m on my way to Hopkinton on this school bus that we picked up and we’re on the interstate. It’s taking a long time to get to our destination and along the way people have to get off the bus and use the bathroom on the side of the highway. Only the buses don’t stop.

So the males went first. After relieving themselves, they had to run to catch up to the bus. Afetr some time, the females couldn’t hold it anymore. As they left, folsk on the bus yelled, “squatters!yelled “Squatters!” everyone cheered them then urged the driver to leave them behind.

Anyway I’m here at the amazing Athlete’s Village and everyone is urinating everywhere! - It’s crazy!

So that’s it, I’ll start soon!

- Dean

Friends,

If you are extremely bored on Monday, I have the solution for you.

You can follow my progress in the 112th running of the Boston Marathon on the official Boston Marathon site. Just use my Bib number, 6859.

Or you can stay tuned to this site. I plan on posting live from the course. Seriously. Let’s see how depleted glycogen levels affect my communication skills.

- Dean

I’ve returned from the runner’s Mecca that was the Boston Marathon Exposition. Never before have I seen such a collection of physically fit people jammed together under one roof.

The Expo is housed in the Hines Convention Center near the finish line. While New York’s Expo took place in one expansive space, Boston’s utlized two large exhibit halls and various ante chambers for Bib pick-up, etc. I think the Boston Expo was larger, just less carvernous.

It was like runner’s Disneyland. Folks scarfed up gewgaw, posters (the offical poster includes the names of every entrant - That’s right, I’m listed on the same poster with Kipkoech Cheruiyot), and expansive quantities of Boston Marathon merchandise. The most notable of which was the jacket. Yes, Doc, I got the real thing.

The only drawback? I had to take out a small loan from a predatory lending firm to cover parking fees.

- Dean

Photo: Boston.com - Dana Giuliana

I’m finally on my way to Boston. Oh yeah, I’ll continue to post daily. Here’s the official itinerary:

TODAY
I’m closing out fifty-nine thousand details before traveling to Raleigh.

SATURDAY
Angie and I will fly into Manchester, New Hampshire. We’ll head right to the Marathon Expo. I’ll offer a detailed, on-the-scene expo report (with a frank assessment of the shirt). Later, we’ll dine with the painaholic Kestrou at Antico Forno in Boston’s North end.

SUNDAY
We’ll attend the Women’s Olympic Trials in the morning, then spend time sightseeing. We plan to enjoy the Freedom Trail, Newberry Street, and the Commons. Later, we’ll retire to our lodging outside Hopkinton.

MONDAY
I will blog live from the Boston Marathon on Monday. I can only offer text updates from the course this year, but I promise video by Monday evening. Think Wellesley, Scream Tunnel, and an event some twenty years overdue.

- Dean

Over the past seventeen days, I’ve written a Socratic dialogue starring Obama, Hillary, and McCain, presented a Studio 54 marathon medal only an undertaker would love, and extolled the virtues of Cadbury Crème Eggs. I wasn’t ashamed to say that Bambi scared me out of my skin, and I didn’t realize just how many people had heard of the Duel in the Sun but hadn’t ever seen it.

But Now I’ve hit the wall. My creative glycogen has been depleted and I now must burn the fat of writer’s desperation. I’m stumbling through the final miles of this daily blogging marathon.

Like all runners who experience quasi spiritual epiphanies after mile twenty. I’ve come to the end of my plucky wit and am finally looking beyond my own nose. I’ve realized that through all my sardonic bluster, I’ve failed to truly thank those who’ve helped get me to this point.

So let’s put this to mending:

East lake Runners
You lit the fire, gave me a structured goal, and provided much-needed companionship early-on. Without this, I doubt I’d have stuck with this running fad.

Boss Frog
You taught me how to run. You’re a human metronome and a running encyclopedia. You’re also the busiest man I know… and I know myself.

Harbison Trail Runners
You boiled me when I needed it most and introduced me to the engrossing trail culture. I always look forward to running with you. Let’s talk Laurel Canyon!

Readers, Family & Friends
Thanks for following my story and encouraging me as I’ve expressed doubts. Your support empowers me and your blog comments are consistently hilarious.

Colleagues
I swear, I’m running during those two hour lunches.

Angie
More than one person sacrifices during obsessive, continuous marathon training. You’ve backed me thoroughly and perfectly; much more than I deserve. I guess this means I owe you big time.

O’Charley’s tonight, baby!

Dean,

It’s me. I mean you. I’ve no time to explain how I’ve uploaded this message from the future. I’m not even sure if it will even reach you — I mean me — before Boston. But you must listen!

A runner in a fur hat and Wicked Witch Of The East socks will approach you on heartbreak Hill babbling something about the beauty of differential equations. Do not flee! You must introduce this man to Mike Huckabee. Everything depends on it. Bring a King James Thompson Chain Reference Bible. It may be your only hope of distracting his security detail. Trust me.

I don’t know how long I’ll be able to keep writing, but there’s more you need to know. That plan you have for Wellesley? It’s not going to work out quite the way you think.

Oh yeah, and whatever you do, don’t book your airfare on Skyb……

Feet are quite peculiar, and typically ugly. Like the ear, they are prone to bulbous, odd shapes that remind me of my least favorite vegetables (cauliflower and green squash).

They can also cause problems, especially for runners. But I’ve never had any noteworthy problems with my feet. I’ve had no black toenails or lost toenails. I’ve avoided plantar fasciitis, calluses, infections, arch pain and unsightly fungus. I’m even a neutral pronator.

The occasional blisters appear, but only after a marathon or ultra, and only on my left little toe. They clear up right away. Since I’ve shifted from roads to trails, I can’t even remember the last time my feet were sore.

At the risk of sounding painfully shallow, I love my feet. This doesn’t mean that I spend all day thinking of my feet, or any other feet for that matter. But I do do buy running shoes at least partially based on fashion, and I have had a pedicure.

Does this make me a metrosexual runner?

- Dean

I was probably playing with my favorite Han Solo and Chewbacca action figures at the time. I couldn’t have cared less about some dumb race. And I lived just over two hours from Boston.

Folks, if this doesn’t give you chills; If this doesn’t get you psyched for Boston — you need defibrillation.

- Dean

The Harbison Forest50k was held today in my backyard… literally.

I live on the edge of Harbison State Forest, the self-proclaimed largest urban green space in the Southeast. Those of you from actual Metropolitan areas may find the designation quaint. But call it whatever you want. I can roll out of bed and run miles and miles of beautiful and varied trails. I find it difficult to believe that I lived here for half a decade as a non-runner. Wasted years.

The race today was the first of the South Carolina Ultra Trail Series. It was held so close to my house, that with creative re-routing, I could have manned an aid station on my front porch.

Alas, I didn’t run.

I’ve run back-to-back marathon/ultras before, but I’ve got Boston in eight days. What if I twisted an ankle or broke a nail? So I volunteered for the race today and had a marvelous time. I cheered runners, offered help and directions and generally witnessed others’ suffering while I lollygagged in relative comfort and ease.

What will the Maniacs think of me now?

- Dean

If you ran the race, or just want to see people running in my backyard, view and download my photos at Flickr. They’re not too shabby.

Nothing stifles jovial, pre-Boston excitement like spending an afternoon wrangling with arcane tax forms. For me, the complexities of the modern tax code bring the minimalism of running into stark relief.

Running is wonderfully, refreshingly, delightfully simple.

Thank goodness.

- Dean

BARACK OBAMA
America, the Boston Marathon is upon us, and I’m running. I’m running for hope and I’m running for change.

JOHN McCAIN
I can think of no finer thing to do on Patriot’s Day.

HILLARY CLINTON
While at Wellesley, I cheered the heroic runners of the Boston Marathon. I was there when Tarzan Brown rallied to beat John Kelley.

BARACK OBAMA
In the face of great distance, we see opportunity. In the face of heartbreak hill, we see a better future. In the face of hyponatremia, we see properly managed sodium levels.

BILL CLINTON
I never did finish that marathon; couldn’t get past the Wellesley girls.

JOHN McCAIN
So you ended up marrying the Wellesley girl that cheered for you?

BARACK OBAMA
I have heard freedom’s call. I have felt the winds of change.

BILL CLINTON
Hillary was at Wellesley?

BARACK OBAMA
I have felt the wind of freedom. I have heard the call for change.

JOHN McCAIN
Many commendable American patriots attended Wellesley. All uphold the fine, upstanding values of the Boston Athletic Association.

RON PAUL
If victorious at Boston, I promise to dismantle the bureaucratic and unconstitutional Boston Athletic Association.

JOHN McCAIN
Destroying the BAA will only make us more vulnerable to dangerous terrorist attacks.

HILLARY CLINTON
I once ran Boston, paced by Sir Edmund Hillary. We came under sniper fire in Newton, and barely escaped with our lives.

BARACK OBAMA
I don’t run this race alone. In this decisive moment of history; in this dawn of a new era as a nation, we run as one people.

HILLARY CLINTON
That harrowing experience filled me with the desire to become the Senator for the great state of Massachusetts.

JOHN McCAIN
You’re the Senator from New York.

HILLARY CLINTON
Whatever.

BARACK OBAMA
Though we’ll grow weary in Newton, we will persevere. Though Cemetery Mile, we will not lose heart. Though our glycogen levels may become dangerously low in Brighton, we will finish this race.

JOHN McCAIN
Though I may have an acute myocardial infarction as early as Framingham, I will drag my battered body inch by torturous inch until I reach the finish.

GEORGE W. BUSH
You can do it Sparky. Heck in a handbasket, I ran a 3:44 in Houston. That takes guts. That takes tenacity. That takes stubbornocity.

HILLARY CLINTON
That’s not even a word.

GEORGE W. BUSH
Oh yeah, right. I meant “tenacitation.”

JOHN McCAIN
Friends, if by my death I can keep us secure from terrorists bent on diminishing our national physical fitness, I will humbly serve.

BARACK OBAMA
When we cross that finish line…

JOHN McCAIN
Friends, I don’t appear to have the funds for the entry fee.

BARACK OBAMA
…And when I say we I really mean me…

JOHN McCAIN
I could run as a bandit; a renegade.

BARACK OBAMA
…When we break the tape at Copley Square, I’ll be thankful our moment has come; thankful for your tireless help; thankful for my Kenyan Ancestry.

HILLARY CLINTON
Have I mentioned that it wasn’t easy being the first woman to run Boston?

JOHN McCAIN
Friends, does anyone have body glide?

The blog thing fascinates me. But I’ve never been one to care much about running’s day-to-day trivialities. I’ve never been tempted to write a mundane diary for you.

I could offer the predictable training report, listing the miles I ran today (ten) and where I ran those miles (trails). I could tell you how many miles I’ve run so far this week (twenty-eight). But I won’t bore you with that. That’s worse than a recap of trail conditions (mostly dry with some mud – and wow, the gross puddle in the marsh remains massive). Of course, I might offer an excuse for low mileage like, “I’m tapering for Boston” but you wouldn’t likely find that compelling. Who knows? Maybe you’d suspect me of sandbagging.

I’ll refrain from calmly reporting that the blister on my left big toe is healing nicely. I’ll say nothing of the twinge I felt in my IT Band today. Neither will I share my concern that my Gore-Tex Inov8 Roclite 318 GTX shoes have only a few more miles left on them. And you certainly wouldn’t care that I need new socks. At Zero To Boston, you’ll never read a word about gastro-intestinal distress or chaffing. No, you deserve better.

This space is reserved for weightier subjects; for real drama.

- D