The Smart Alec Poster Cult
You after mile 21? No.
After youâ€™ve run a few marathons, you begin to notice themes. Some races are tougher than others. Some courses are beautifully scenic. Sometimes you run elbow to elbow with thousands of people. Other times you virtually race alone. Within this variety of experience, one constant remains: the imaginative marathon fan.
In a way, marathon fans are more unusual than marathon runners. Itâ€™s one thing to take your body to the point of collapse. Itâ€™s another thing entirely to encourage someone else to do it. And thatâ€™s the rub. Marathon fans are more than just spectators. They have a job to do. They must help their runner drag his or her sorry carcass across the finish line.
Fans have two primary means of cheering runners: vocal chords (drop by Wellesley during the Boston Marathon and youâ€™ll experience this to great effect) and naturally, the hand-made marathon poster.
Creative posters are the spice of the marathon experience. The most inventive rise above the bland â€œRun mommy!â€ or â€œYou can do it!â€ variety. Signs can be witty, sarcastic, comedic, inspirational, confrontational, and yes, even vulgar.
Theyâ€™ve become something of a genre unto themselves. Iâ€™ve found brilliant examples. Hereâ€™s the first batch:
2008 Marine Corps Marathon | Photo by Kicksie courtesy of Flickr.
If Lisa survived this race, her biggest fan will have considered it a crowning achievement. Really, we should all have such support, especially at work.
â€œI know youâ€™ve got umpteen thousand status reports to write, but thereâ€™s no rush. As long as you live through the process, management will be completely satisfied.â€
Perhaps the same consideration should be given to this fan, who apparently wasnâ€™t concerned about which way the sign was facing.
Encouragement for the Rest of Us
New Jersey Marathon | Photo by shanonala courtesy of Flickr.
Most marathoners are not very fast. According to the USATF, the median finishing time for males is 4:19:52; for females, 4:52:55.
So, these intrepid fans really know how to motivate the meatiest part of the bell curve: By imploring runners to beat Oprahâ€™s respectable 4:29:20.
Another target that could provide supreme motivation: George W. Bushâ€™s 3:44:52.
2005 Chicago Marathon | Photo by fxdirect courtesy of Flickr.
No Joe! You should run! Hopping is much harder and will put undue stress on your knees, shins and kidneys.
Do not listen to this woman.
A Gift for Understatement
2007 Chicago Marathon | Photo by soundfromwayout courtesy of Flickr.
Most marathon posters offer highly superlative encouragement. Runners see endless signs of the â€œMy Parent is Awesomeâ€ or â€œYouâ€™re My Hero [Frank, Joe, Chet, etc.]â€ variety. The nonstop overstatement can become a bit boring.
Annieâ€™s sign rises above the din. One imagines the author seeking to inspire uniquely without resorting to exaggeration (or engendering undue pride). He has succeeded brilliantly.
Unless of course Annie was expecting superlative encouragement; In which case, heâ€™s failed miserably.
It’s the thought that counts.
2006 New York City Marathon | Photo by Elizabeth Wentling courtesy of Flickr.
â€œâ€¦ But I still went to great pains to create a highly legible, humungous sign. I also risked my life to hang it on a precarious fire escape while nursing a brutal hangover. So when we get to Rotherâ€™s, youâ€™re buying, dude.â€
2006 Los Angeles Marathon | Photo by concrete cornfields courtesy of Flickr.
I donâ€™t know whatâ€™s funnier, the (presumed) woman in Fredrickâ€™s of Hollywood lingerie, the outrageous offer or the cheesy covered sofa complete with low rent boom box. An upscale gentlemanâ€™s venue, this is not.
I find it necessary to offer prospective clients a few words of advice. If youâ€™re keen for a lap dance, may I suggest a more private setting when you are less exposed publically, clad in something other than marathon attire, not encrusted with salt and can independently verify the gender of the dancer.
To be continued…
A host of witty marathon signs are on the way. Come back on Wednesday January 28th for more!