All runners are liars
Back when I began to experiment with pushing my running boundaries, I joined two runners for a 14 mile, Wednesday run. Though inexperienced with the ritual of the mid-week long run, I was stoked. The course was new to me, and midway through, we came upon a pretty decent hill. I blanched. My friend, noticing my anxiety, simply stated, “Don’t worry, we don’t go all the way to the top.â€
About 50 feet before the top of the hill, we turned right.
So I thought… “Did this guy purposefully lie to me? I mean, we’re basically at the top of the hill.†Maybe he was trying to train me, you know, trying to be my own personal Burgess Meredith.
Perhaps I shouldn’t have been taken aback. We hadn’t actually reached the top. In a Bill Clintonesque sense, he was technically accurate, just not very helpful. Strike that. Even the prototypically moronic WWE referee could see that it was a lie. So you’ll understand my skepticism when my friend then said, “It’s pretty flat from here.â€
“Pretty flat†apparently means “consistently rolling terrain for 5 miles.†I now call this “a complete distortion of the facts.†Incidentally, the run ended up being 12.5, rather than 14 miles. We’ll call that an honest mistake.
Consider another experience I’ve had with runner dishonesty.
My running partner, a more accomplished runner than I, promised a slow, causal run (The first sign of trouble). As we ran, I noticed a gradual yet inexorable increase in pace. I kept up, and it occurred to me, “We are accelerating. His promise is fiction.†Gradual acceleration became outright fleet-footed jaunt. We ended, shall we say, rather vigorously.
I had been a part of the running sub-culture for less than a year when it hit me: I think I’m surrounded by liars.
Don’t get me wrong. I mean this in the most endearing, delightful way possible. I love runners, the scoundrels. I love them when they innocuously perjure themselves; even when they resort to outright fabrication. I love them.
Of course, I may be lying.
November 23rd, 2006 at 7:29 pm
The lying continues in the race environment. Have you ever had someone say “you’re looking strong” as he passes you? A comment like that is almost always a lie.
Note: I would amend your blog entry to be titled: “All (male) runners lie.” Perhaps others have different experiences, but I have never been lied to (in this sense) by a female runner. Only men.
November 25th, 2006 at 9:46 am
Alas, I cannot concur. During my first ever half-marathon, as I crested a hill at mile 10, an enthusiastic woman (and member of the local running club) decided I needed encouragement. She boisterously yelled, “You look great! Hang in there! You’re almost done!”
This comment had the decided advantage of containing two very large lies. Firstly, I did not look “great.” I looked like death warmed over with cold, congealed gravy on top. Secondly, this was mile 10 in a 13.1 mile race. That’s 3.1 miles of pain and suffering. Tell me I’m almost done at mile 13, please.
“Hang in there” was okay.
– Dean
November 25th, 2006 at 5:16 pm
Cause or Effect?
Is there some irresistible yet invisible aspect of running that causes the otherwise honorable and truthful person suddenly succumb to dishonesty or is there something intrinsic in the self flagellation of running that draws those inclined to perjury like a compass is drawn to magnetic north?
After much careful thought I believe I have to side with the former though I must say the number of politicians who claim running as a pastime made me seriously weigh the later. As mentioned by Dean there is of course Clinton, both Bush’s, and Al Core who all claim running as a favorite pastime. And at risk of exposing my own latent misogyny, I can only hope that once Hillary is fully ensconced in the White House she chooses pilates over running. Bill in those running shorts was bad enough, I really could do without Hillary or any cabinet officials for that matter in a jog bra. But I do digress…
I’m going to have to say that lying for runners is a merely a defense mechanism. Similar to ‘The Stockholm Syndrome’, where an abductee sympathizes with his/her captor, or prisoner of war might construct brick-for-brick a complete house to prove to themselves that their captors do not control their entire world. So to do I think lying forms a critical escape for the runner.
Where I differ with Dean is the part that he plays in the lying with his running partners. It is not that your running partner is lying TO you, rather he is looking for validation of his own illusion he has created while he runs and having intruded on your running partners dillusion, you are the only person available. When told that you are not running to the top of the hill, your running partner is doing nothing more than trying to convince himself that he does not have to summit the hill. And like the proverbial sleep walker, you might try to gently nudge your running partner by saying softly “we nearly summitted the hills, let’s cut back the pace a bit”. But whatever you do, do not wake your partner from his dream, some runners have been known to get violent when they are forced back to reality to aggressively.
So really Dean, if your running partners truly believes what they say is true, who are you to call it lying?
rick
November 26th, 2006 at 8:07 am
Interesting… the psychological, cognitive dissonance theory of running. One modifies existing thoughts or beliefs (notions of reality) to counter two or more conflicting thoughts or beliefs. E.g., “The hill is high. I am very tired. So I will choose to believe that the hill is not truly the hill it appears to be.”
Or more likely, “I want to be out here running, but this hill makes me feel like I want to be on my couch and never run again.” I invent a reality to help me resolve the tension. The new reality serves to help me achieve a goal or get past a checkpoint.
There may be something to that.
As for my own culpability in running lies… I never said I was innocent.
– Dean
December 8th, 2006 at 3:28 pm
Runners never lie they just have very different perspectives and have very creative presentation skill.Basically we just make a gentle attempt to remove fear and intimidation until it’s too late to back out ;)….
See you in Boston….”Qualifying is a piece of cake”
Hope to have a few other cake eaters from Wilkesboro their with us too.
Best of Luck/Skill we’ll be watching you get there.
March 4th, 2007 at 1:50 am
Yes, all runners lie.
It might be times or distances or how near the finish is, but it’s usually pretty funy afterwards.
October 26th, 2007 at 5:02 pm
In the Army we called that false motivation. On road march they would keep telling you, “Keep going, just a few more miles!” 5 miles later, you were lucky if you were at the end.
August 3rd, 2010 at 10:20 am
Runnerspeak aka “animal Farm” is twisting truth for the sake of the greater good. HA!