All runners are liars
Back when I began to experiment with pushing my running boundaries, I joined two runners for a 14 mile, Wednesday run. Though inexperienced with the ritual of the mid-week long run, I was stoked. The course was new to me, and midway through, we came upon a pretty decent hill. I blanched. My friend, noticing my anxiety, simply stated, â€œDonâ€™t worry, we donâ€™t go all the way to the top.â€
About 50 feet before the top of the hill, we turned right.
So I thoughtâ€¦ â€œDid this guy purposefully lie to me? I mean, we’re basically at the top of the hill.â€ Maybe he was trying to train me, you know, trying to be my own personal Burgess Meredith.
Perhaps I shouldnâ€™t have been taken aback. We hadn’t actually reached the top. In a Bill Clintonesque sense, he was technically accurate, just not very helpful. Strike that. Even the prototypically moronic WWE referee could see that it was a lie. So youâ€™ll understand my skepticism when my friend then said, â€œItâ€™s pretty flat from here.â€
â€œPretty flatâ€ apparently means â€œconsistently rolling terrain for 5 miles.â€ I now call this â€œa complete distortion of the facts.â€ Incidentally, the run ended up being 12.5, rather than 14 miles. Weâ€™ll call that an honest mistake.
Consider another experience I’ve had with runner dishonesty.
My running partner, a more accomplished runner than I, promised a slow, causal run (The first sign of trouble). As we ran, I noticed a gradual yet inexorable increase in pace. I kept up, and it occurred to me, â€œWe are accelerating. His promise is fiction.â€ Gradual acceleration became outright fleet-footed jaunt. We ended, shall we say, rather vigorously.
I had been a part of the running sub-culture for less than a year when it hit me: I think Iâ€™m surrounded by liars.
Donâ€™t get me wrong. I mean this in the most endearing, delightful way possible. I love runners, the scoundrels. I love them when they innocuously perjure themselves; even when they resort to outright fabrication. I love them.
Of course, I may be lying.